Induced-year-old

I always think that I am not afraid of death. What is death? It’s just a way to live. In Su Shi’s words, if you view it from its changers, then the Heaven and Earth could not be seen for a moment; If you view it from its changeless ones, then things and me are endless. Therefore, when I was suffering from illness, when I was heartbroken, I had the impulse to end my life for countless times. I have thought about taking sleeping pills to sleep forever; I have also thought about stepping on the flowerpot, climbing over the balcony railing and falling freely; I even thought about closing the doors and windows, turning on the gas stove, death was artificially covered with Halo by me, as if it was Death. To me, it was nothing but breaking away from the bitter sea and flying to the paradise, where there was no pain to my body any more, no longer have the trouble of daily necessities, no more disputes and intrusions in the secular world. Only facing the sea, spring blossoms. However, when death was really approaching, I was truly scared. I found that my desire for life was so strong, as if a dying fish was eager for a ladle of water with my mouth open. The experience of death was not what I did on purpose. A few days ago, when I took medicine in the office, the pills were too big. If I was not careful, the pills fell into the air inlet pipe and could not get up, which happened to get stuck in the air pipe, I found that I couldn’t speak out, breathe, and even cough to get it out. At that moment, I looked so helpless that I immediately thought: did I die like this? A living person died at this moment because of a pill? I began to jump, trying to pop out the pills and looking for my mobile phone on my desk. I wanted to send a letter for help, and I wanted to live! I don’t want to die! I thought that my love for him had already been plain or even disappeared, but in fact, this kind of love had been sleeping quietly in a corner of the years without any sound, but at a certain moment, it will wake up again. It may not be as turbulent as before, but it firmly occupies your heart. Just like the oxygen in the air, we seem to be unable to feel its existence, once there is no it, you will be aware of its value. Thanks to someone in the office, my beautiful little colleague saved me. She was also frightened by my actions and ran to me. I didn’t know what happened and I couldn’t speak, it was too late to find a pen to write and tell her that she had to make gestures desperately to let her pat my back. Thank God, she slapped down, the pills stuck in my trachea finally came out, and I was saved. He was not a shining person either. He was as ordinary as any gravel on the river bank, just like me. However, the waves of fate sent him to me. From then on, two stones met each other. We had edges and corners, and there was no need for friction and collision in life, finally, they polished each other’s edges and corners. Now, I am more willing to believe that the years before I was 19 years old are actually waiting for him. In fact, the distance between him and me is not the distance in space, but the distance in time. After a long 19 years, we finally came together. I remembered that he was wronged in front of my parents in order to win the marriage between me and him; I remembered that when he was pregnant, he rode a bicycle to the mining bureau to pick me up every day and went back to the small town ten miles away, no matter it was uphill or downhill, he never let me down; He remembered that he took me to take a walk beside an abandoned railway after marriage, watching the sunset and picking wild flowers; I remembered that he was busy in and out of the kitchen alone, while I was sitting on the sofa in the living room watching soap operas leisurely; I remembered that he was leading me helplessly in the great hospitals in Wuhan, they are all real experiences once, just blown to an unknown corner by the wind of time. I thought I couldn’t catch it any more. I couldn’t find it. But today, after a death experience, at the intersection of sunshine and time, they were blown to me again. I found that time did not rob them, they are still beautiful and fresh. Spring elimination snow

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