Trance

In a trance, I don’t know if I should write down these words. In the evening, the gray ceiling lamp on the roof of my bed, as long as I close the curtain and turn off all the lights, it will cause trouble on it like a ghost lamp. I can’t remember when it was like this, only in recent days did I notice it. In fact, everyone knows that this is not a big fuss, but for me, it is a big deal. Because, in recent years, I managed to eliminate the stubborn disease of taking sleeping pills for decades. In this way, don’t you want to repeat the chronic illness? Just like at this time, I squeezed my eyes and lay on the dark bed. I told myself not to think about anything and forced myself to fall asleep as soon as possible. But no, the light on the roof began to cause trouble again. I know I am causing trouble. I said I was squeezing my eyes, but actually I just opened my eyes at all. Mind and thought are more active than ever. I don’t know what I’m thinking. I just feel that my thoughts still stay in “on philology”, and stay in the signified, signifier, on the scene, I looked up at the flashing lamp, immersed in the trance in front of me, as if I had gained a new life, and my heart was empty. I almost forgot my existence and didn’t know where I was. It seemed that I was wandering in the vast and boundless words again, which was caused by my subconscious mind, but I couldn’t help knowing how to take my thoughts in. Therefore, I pressed the stream of consciousness, and quickly opened the sky blue light on the head of the bed. The gray-white ceiling lamp on the roof returned to its natural state. But I can’t turn on the light all the time. The purpose of turning on the light is to look for sleeping pills. Where to look? Sleeping pills that have not been taken for a long time, like an old friend, are strange to it for a while. Reluctantly, I stepped up from the Quilt, took my shawl casually and covered it on my shoulder. I want to search in the small bag I carry at any time, but no. Then I pulled my shoes, looking for them in the small medicine bag in front of the windowsill, but there was still no. I am in a hurry and want to look for it in the living room. However, before I moved away, a wonderful scene came into my eyes through the curtain. There was a round orange shadow in the middle of the branch of the huge green holly tree outside the window, shining brightly in it. I don’t believe this is true, or I am dreaming, or it is an illusion like I saw the black shadow when I was young. At the same time, I think, can this small bedside lamp have such a large light-emitting force, penetrating the beige curtain, penetrating the 5cm glass, and directly hitting the holly tree? I am no longer me. I have forgotten myself completely at this moment. I forgot everything and only felt that I was in another world, enjoying all the wonderful things in front of me and all the things created by nature for the night. I also saw the orange light and shadow shaking back and forth between the branches of the holly tree, as if I saw my running blood shaking in my heart. I even wanted to keep shaking like this. When I couldn’t myself, my little golden retriever screamed wildly. I woke up, go to the living room to find sleeping pills.. Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the snow in spring

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