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Keeping the warmth like the sun, watching the world full of troubles, the sound of knocking was clear but strange. At this time, the sky was getting dark, and there was no doubt that the orange color of canyang went down to the West, let alone the snow scattered in the folds of the mountain; But what was certain was that a simple greeting was absolutely flesh and blood, it is more colorful than the bright orange color and the white snow. Looking out of the fuzzy window, a neat obscure, regardless of the importance, drew a big question mark for everything in front of the eyes. It was the gray of the sky that stained the world; or is the gray of heaven and earth polluting the color in eyes? What gets into the eyes is the different colors in the past. The light one makes people unable to close their eyes. Even if the breeze blows, there will be no waves. Focusing on the obscure tone and intermittent stimulation, dizziness is like the backbone hands that death cares about, pulling and tearing from time to time. At this time, it is not certain that these arrogant people don’t know why they are happy in life and why they die. When will the Holy Spirit of the sad hell wave its gray wings. Maybe it was the reason of staying alone for a long time. I didn’t care about the sharp cry of black wild cats in the midnight, nor about the desolation of withered grass after the wind blew the house, and forgot the legend that once there were graves everywhere; I am used to standing quietly in the open courtyard in the dead of night, seeing which star is smiling softly, explaining the different feelings of separation but not separation in detail, and talking about the occasional encounter once or in the future. When there was sunshine, I lowered my head and felt melancholy without any purpose. I saw a pile of black and gray feathers scattered there beside the roots of elms with luxuriant branches and leaves, A few drops of fresh condensed blood adhere to the ground. It is impossible to affirm the specious killer, but this must be the cold action of no one at midnight last night. The fierce killing of the explorers who had concealed the sophisticated Jianghu, there were only these objects disturbing the mood on the scene. Is it true that the Holy Spirit of hell will do the same, but when the soul is tired, be sure to guard against their mysterious actions. Lonely courtyard, silence at the moment of the coming night, those objects that were deadlocked and unwilling to leave showed their once strong strength with rust. In fact, if you understand the definition of waste, you can’t judge whether these are such statements. The key is whether its owner will make it smart one day, and that definition will be meaningless. When I knew it, the courtyard was just like this, silent and cold without any special aura. But we can’t deny the glory it once had, which was impossible for others to live in, but now there are still the plug-in people like it. The street lamp which gradually lit up three to five meters away turned on wearily, and the Jingjing light seemed so dazzling in the obscurity. The stubborn thought just lit up the place. In fact, this courtyard only needs a little, just a little, and the courtyard will seem to have hope, and the lonely people will have warmth and tenderness. But no, knowing that this was a delusion that would never be realized, I had no idea and broke a trace of hope in the darkness of the night. In the sky, it is said that snowflakes are floating again. Is there no lonely waiting Star Tonight? Will the stars turn into a lifelong dream and fall with the fluttering snowflakes, enter the dream once waiting. Slowly melt, infiltrate the myth of the previous world, and warm the fantasy of goodbye in this life. Is it snowing, slowly standing up but falling down, only accompanied by Heaven rotation. Looking at the sky which was gradually condensed by the obscure night from afar, in the low-hanging night, there was a star twinkling in the blurred room, which could be the eternal gentle light in the lonely heart! Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. Maybe because of a certain commitment, or because of a certain… Be good at listening to different voices and opinions On October 6th, I published a travel essay: “beautiful autumn scenery”, which was obtained by many literary websites… Read The Bridges of Madison County “When the white moth spreads its wings, you can come to me at any time”. I think, if I am a man, be accepted… From today on, I want to be happy I read “the biography of Hulan River” long time ago, and I remember that I was really in a heavy mood for a long time. Which characters caused me… Sick time I sneezed one after another these days. I said someone was reading me and others said I was sick. Finally, the doctor also said I was…

Meet

24 years is it too long in one’s life? I don’t know. But in these 24 years, we gradually returned to the original point after going through too much heart-wrenching. Suddenly one day, you applied to add me on my QQ, which I didn’t expect. After a short hesitation, I clicked yes in the prompt whether to agree or not, but none of us spoke. The next day, you said hello to me, but it was just a smiling expression, being polite, I could only reply to you. The first conversation started like this two or ten years later. I don’t know whether this is a blessing or a curse for us! In the conversation, you said that we had been separated for 24 years, although I knew this number even if you didn’t say it. One or two decades ago, we were still young and ignorant. At that time, none of us knew how much youth we could squander, it is in those years that we still think it is beautiful that life slips quietly at our fingertips, and our love slips away at the same time. I don’t know when you came into my heart, but I like to secretly take out your homework from your schoolbag and watch your meaningful handwriting when you are away at noon, I like to see you concentrate on drawing ink painting one by one, and I like to see you show your talent with writing brush in front of me. After graduation, you gave me a pen and said to be a souvenir. Maybe we will be different from each other. At that time, I never thought about what we would look like in the future! A month later, we had our own results. You were admitted to the demonstration, but I failed to enter the same school with you because of various human factors, maybe we have been doomed to the end of today since then! At the beginning of school, I was usually proud of going to high school, but my father wanted me to go back to school and try to take the exam next year. There was no way out. All my resistance in front of my father was useless. In the end, return to school. On a high and light noon, you appeared outside the school wall. My classmate told me that you were here. That was the first time I had a heartbeat for you in my life. I wanted to see you, I want to hear you tell me about your new school. I want to see your appearance a few months later, but I am afraid to let the teacher know and my classmates see it. In such hesitation, we couldn’t see each other we wanted to see, and then you left because you still had class in the afternoon. In the end, you asked my classmates to send me what you gave me, which was a review material and a set of exercises. Maybe this is the so-called beginning of love, maybe this is the first love between you and me, pure like a blooming azalea, and only the intoxicating fragrance. Now I can’t imagine how fast my heart beat and how Red my small face was at that time. I just put that bag of things into the desk mechanically, I didn’t dare to look at any student’s face for the whole afternoon, and didn’t listen to any question explained by the teacher. While everyone was free to go to the canteen for dinner, I secretly took what you gave me back to the dormitory and hid it under the quilt, At night, I secretly opened the book you gave me during the day. There was even a painting you drew in it, but there was not even a word of comfort or encouragement. In the following days, I skimmed through those mountains of questions, never saw you, even never thought of you. In the golden autumn and September, I naturally walked into the school that changed my fate. I became the second child in the village who could have public meals, and also became the pride of my parents for a lifetime. The most beautiful years of my life are frozen in this yard with small bridges and flowing water because of you. Soon after I registered in the new school, I saw you. I knew you came to see me specially. The first time I saw you, you just laughed, silly …… and then, naturally, I received the first love letter in my life. It seemed that there was still ink fragrance in Junxiu’s handwriting. Because you are in the same city, there are not many letters you wrote to me, but I really like to sneak into the woods of the school to read your letters quietly, once or twice …. occasionally you will come to see me, and you still won’t say too much, but I know, so we will find a quiet place tacitly, and I will follow you, timid, they dare not even hold a hand, this is our love! Two years have passed, and you are about to graduate and go to work. Somehow you suddenly realize that our relationship cannot be known to your family! Not because I don’t love, but because I am an alien in your nation above faith! After a painful choice, I told you my thoughts in words, and then I broke up for the first time. I was only 18 years old that year. I don’t know if you feel distressed after reading that letter, but you came to me again soon, and still don’t have much language. At that moment, I saw that your eyes were no longer clear, but only a slight sadness. That day, you looked at me without saying a word for a long time, then slipped me a letter and left silently. The back and the eyes became the nightmare of my whole life! In fact, I know you know better than me. As long as you walk out of school, the first thing you face is not to find a job, but to follow the matchmaker’s advice of your parents to marry and have children! I know this is unfair to you, but we have no choice. This is fate! In that letter, you said that you didn’t want to give up. Even if your head was broken, you would certainly fight for it and let me wait for you. But we all know very well that in that era, it was very rare to persuade parents of both sides to break through the rules of a nation to achieve the love between us, at the age of 18, I would give up my love to complete two innocent families in order to give birth to our parents! Therefore, after a painful choice, I wrote the last letter to you resolutely and hid you in the softest place in my heart forever. Although you wrote to me that you were fighting for it, I chose reason. I don’t want to let each other’s families jump because of us! In this way, the love of a flower girl was strangled by herself. I will see you again at that classmate’s gathering. I remembered that it was a rainy afternoon. My classmate Lao soda called me and said that he was going back to Nanjing and asked me to come and sit down. I readily agreed, but when I arrived at his house, but it put me in a dilemma, because I saw you from outside the window! However, since I have broken my appointment, I should not leave immediately. It is inappropriate for me to understand. Here, I also met your wife for the first time, wearing a distinctive national characteristics, at first glance, she was a woman who obeyed the rules and etiquette. At this moment, I waited alone for 18 years! I have imagined what our goodbye would be like for countless times, but I never thought it would be like this. I don’t know if it’s because it’s hard to say that my wife is in charge of the supervisor or I have already become the old calendar you have turned over. You didn’t say a word in this meeting, just when I heard you talking about your works with them, I asked you, are you still insisting on your artistic creation? You answered me lightly: Yes! At that moment, I thought I was ridiculous, even pitiful, and the mixed feelings in my heart could not be described in words. The party was over, and the rain outside the house was still falling. I walked alone in the deserted street by the looming neon, feeling the loneliness I had never seen before. Occasionally, one or two people passed, but they were all in a hurry and couldn’t see their expressions clearly. Maybe they were all looking for their way home. However, on this rainy night, where is my destination? But I still appreciate that fate made me know you, thank you for giving me those happy times and unforgettable memories, and thank my life for being beautiful because of you! The next day, I took out the painting which had been treasured for 18 years, and the letters you gave me. I read it again and again, and once thought it was the wealth of my life, but what I saw that day was full of sadness, no passion, no touch, and then burned, I knew I should put it down. The twinkling Mars seemed to be mysterious eyes, blinked to me, and soon disappeared with the smoke, just like our love, nowhere to find …… today, however, you appeared quietly and in this way. I once appreciated a sentence: it is better to miss each other than to meet each other. Can I do it? Like (prose editor: drops of ink become wounds) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. Maybe because of a certain commitment, or because of a certain… Be good at listening to different voices and opinions On October 6th, I published a travel essay: “beautiful autumn scenery”, which was obtained by many literary websites… Read The Bridges of Madison County “When the white moth spreads its wings, you can come to me at any time”. I think, if I am a man, be accepted… From today on, I want to be happy I read “the biography of Hulan River” long time ago, and I remember that I was really in a heavy mood for a long time. Which characters caused me… Sick time I sneezed one after another these days. I said someone was reading me and others said I was sick. Finally, the doctor also said I was…

Aftertaste

My fear is in two seasons, one in hot summer and the other in cold winter. It is the invigilation period of the exam at the end of a semester. I used to compare invigilation to the imprisonment of professional sense on our body and mind. The unspeakable helplessness was written in our nervous and serious expressions. Half an hour before invigilation, we will walk into the conference room at the same time. Sitting in the corresponding seat, eating the two steamed buns in hand, waiting for the rustling footsteps of the leaders and the sound of dry cough. Finally, in our expectation, the leaders entered the conference room with notebooks and test papers, and began to nag us about what teachers should and should not do. In boredom, we waited for the order to go to the examination room. As soon as we entered the examination room, our roles changed. One was the aunt of the cleaner, looking for garbage in the corridor and classroom; The other was a machine that could be used as a scanner, using those sharp eyes, scan from the first table to the Forth. See if there is any information related to the exam. If there is, we will walk to the table leisurely and let the book move to the platform in a triumphant posture until it is cleared. There is no sound in the exam, just waiting for the ringing of the exam. The examination papers have been distributed, and the examinees have different expressions. Some were poised and proud; Some sighed and were all disappointed; Some were not too tight but not too slow. They saw the test paper from the beginning to the end, then buried their heads with a smile; Some looked numb, A pen is repeatedly rotated by a finger. From slight noise to silence in the exam. However, the position of our teachers must be in front of each other in the classroom. We can’t walk around for fear that the examinees will be distracted; We can’t make any noise for fear of disturbing the examinees’s thoughts; We can’t talk or watch their mobile phones, I am afraid that a higher monitor will suddenly attack you and stare at you with his big eyes. Then you will be informed criticism at the meeting, which makes you ashamed. With thousands of thoughts and expediency, I found the bench from the corner of the examination room, blew off the dust and sat down. Although it is a bench tailored for students, occasionally there will be a phenomenon of three legs, but if you want to defeat standing for up to one to two hours with unyielding spirit, I believe that you will still choose to surrender, and your unyielding perseverance will betray you eventually. It’s time to consider how to spend the boring invigilation. It’s better to sit down first, put one leg on the other leg, and then start to look left and right, looking around. At this time, I envy examinees. They have something to do, but what about us? How many minutes and seconds should I spend! Simply, stretch the goose’s neck to look at the test questions of the examinees. Unexpectedly, the examinees were not generous and sealed the questions tightly with hands or books. I shook my head and thought: it’s OK, it’s OK. It’s time to put this leg on that leg, and put your hands on it by the way. Suddenly I saw something black and dirty in the finger of a fingernail, and my eyes were shining. It seemed that when I was hopeless to find a job for a long time, I suddenly received a notice to let me go to work and was overjoyed. Therefore, I took turns bombing my nails one by one. I didn’t give up until they were all clean and my face smiled satisfie. At this time, I secretly took out my mobile phone, pressed the phone button, and found that the time was moving a little bit so stingy. Change your sitting posture, your legs are numb. It is not my elegant image to raise my legs. I will abandon it. Stand up, twist your waist in place, turn your neck three times from left to right, and then turn your neck several times. After a few beats, you suddenly feel dizzy. Think about it, it’s better to sit down. I began to doubt whether the invigilation over the past few years was spent like a walking corpse? Doubt makes me have to recall. Memories are graceful. I began to like this word. It is gentle and amiable, fragrant and charming. It is unfathomable. It has great magic power that makes me immerse myself in the time of memories. Because of it, I suddenly feel that when the body is greatly bound, the soul will yearn for the wandering of thinking more. I thought of the invigilator last time: sitting still, there were always many scenes in my mind. I connected them with sentences in my heart, and the birth of “night” came into being. Looking back now, I was still excited and almost forgot my shape. I hid the joy in my heart quietly, and my expression couldn’t stop shining and my heart began to fluctuate. I also thought of whether I should give up my unfinished article. As the saying goes, when I continue, my mood will be different. The flavor of the continuation will become different from the original truth. Thinking like this, my Restless Heart suddenly enlightened me. Suddenly, it is rare for me to be so active in thinking, so I simply think about what I have done wrong in the past 30 years and what is worth doing. After thinking deeply, it ended with a disastrous defeat. How can we use this short moment to answer the things of our life when we are wandering in the world of mortals? Perhaps, we have to spend our whole life to sort out and untie the connected cause and effect and the interlaced fishing nets in our life! Thinking of life, I stopped again. Life, the words made up of several paintings concentrate all of us. Life made up of the second sound and the first sound reads illusory and seems like floating clouds, however, it can express the joys and sorrows of our whole life. It is also a feeling that we cannot explain clearly! There is only five minutes left for the whistle to ring. What should I say about time? When I was looking forward to its rapid progress, it was daggering; When I ignored and forgot it, it urged me to wake up from my dream. In the backward time and the forward future, I thought of a sentence said by Lin Qingxuan: live soberly in the present! Although we can see many successful achievements later, they have all become waves in the long river of time. Although you can see more scenery with your head held high, everything is in the mist. Only by living in the present seriously and looking down at your own steps can you get out of the fog and welcome the gorgeous scenery. Or pick a piece of water moon, or pick a mirror flower. Invigilation is coming again, and I will treat it with ease. Perhaps, I should take the wooden fish that is often seen in the temple and the huge eyes of the wooden fish to alert me. In the limitation of drawing the ground as a prison, I should also let my heart recover the function of bright and clear lighting; let it look at us who live in the world with great eyes, and how to wash our hearts endlessly. Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. Maybe because of a certain commitment, or because of a certain… Be good at listening to different voices and opinions On October 6th, I published a travel essay: “beautiful autumn scenery”, which was obtained by many literary websites… Read The Bridges of Madison County “When the white moth spreads its wings, you can come to me at any time”. I think, if I am a man, be accepted… From today on, I want to be happy I read “the biography of Hulan River” long time ago, and I remember that I was really in a heavy mood for a long time. Which characters caused me… Sick time I sneezed one after another these days. I said someone was reading me and others said I was sick. Finally, the doctor also said I was…

Don’t

I often read newspapers and books. When I read some leftover men and women or other love stories, I cannot help sighing that they are struggling for great love in their lives, and when they fail to pursue it, some chose to die. Life is precious. Life can’t stand the test of time and frustration in the eyes of some people. Although most people do not choose to die, they always immerse themselves in the bitter sea and cannot help themselves. Why bother? Why can’t you laugh at life? Maybe you are still struggling in the bitter sea, while the person who makes you sad and suffering is enjoying life freely, but he doesn’t care about your feelings. People say that our life is full of sunshine, then let sunshine shine into our life all the time. But in feudal society, countless young men and women got married first and then fell in love. They cultivated their feelings after marriage. Many of them didn’t know what their partners looked like until they entered the wedding room on the wedding day, after living a period of time, I found that my partner was such a person, and then my relationship was gradually cultivated. Didn’t I live happily as usual and grow old in vain? It is true that it is best to have an emotional foundation first and then combine it. Nowadays, we are free to fall in love without arranged marriage, but I think there should be more tolerance. Think about it. In your personal life circle, the opposite sex who is truly 100% satisfied is almost zero. You don’t like some of the other’s problems. Maybe you have some problems that will make the other person uncomfortable, why do you ask your opponent to have no shortcomings at all? Don’t set your threshold too high, and don’t look at yourself too clearly. Those older young people pick and choose, I’m afraid that there will be no choice at last. There are a lot of things to do in life. Maybe the other half of your choice is the one who can bring you happiness most! Don’t suffer yourself for love. When you read more documentary literature magazines such as intimate friend, love, marriage and family, you may find that you have already lived a happy life, we know that the so-called happiness is not proportional to money and material wealth. Happiness is a feeling and a psychological state. Love both sides can support each other, tolerate each other, be considerate and support each other, which is undoubtedly the happiest. What is love? I think love is the greatest tolerance. If you learn tolerance, you can reap sweet fruits and happiness of love. The kind of people who eat in the bowl and watch in the pot should be said to be irresponsible. It should be said that when you read countless people, you will find that there are indeed many people who are better, more desirable and more patient than your lover. However, how can everything make you happy? Meet! Besides, marriage has only one choice for myself. Since I have chosen, why bother to love others? Facing those excellent people who are beautiful, you can enjoy and make friends, But you can’t go against your own love, which should be the moral bottom line of a person’s love and marriage. How can a person who even loses the moral bottom line be trusted and respected by others? It’s better to settle down. Don’t suffer yourself for love, and don’t put yourself into troubles and pains one after another. Laugh to life, life will repay you! Like (prose editor: indifferent) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. Maybe because of a certain commitment, or because of a certain… Be good at listening to different voices and opinions On October 6th, I published a travel essay: “beautiful autumn scenery”, which was obtained by many literary websites… Read The Bridges of Madison County “When the white moth spreads its wings, you can come to me at any time”. I think, if I am a man, be accepted… From today on, I want to be happy I read “the biography of Hulan River” long time ago, and I remember that I was really in a heavy mood for a long time. Which characters caused me… Sick time I sneezed one after another these days. I said someone was reading me and others said I was sick. Finally, the doctor also said I was…

Banana

Banana Boat is neither Jing Nan’s description of the moon nor Jing Nan’s favorite fruit shape. Banana Boat is actually an academic noun, which is a visualized statement of normal hearing range graph during hearing test. Because of the enlarged symptoms of the vestibule Aqueduct, the doctor who mainly diagnosed Jing Nan’s ear disease told us: this kind of disease is irreversible and cannot be cured, and the best ideal state is to maintain the existing hearing, we need to keep alert to the control of children’s skull pressure, the choice of reasonable exercise items and the prevention of ototoxic drugs, including the prevention of various diseases that may cause hearing loss, such as fever, cold, nasal congestion and other common diseases, and the fundamental way to maintain the best ideal state is to do normal hearing test, early detection, early diagnosis and early treatment in order to resolve the hidden danger of the disease in time. This is not only a kind of responsibility, but also a kind of pain, a kind of unspeakable pain, and the only thing we can do is to protect the child as much as possible, not to let her get a little hurt, it also enables us to take our children to do a hearing test in a quarter or so without special circumstances. At first, Jing Nan was extremely disgusted with this kind of test, because the test needed to be in a fully enclosed small room which was extremely quiet and narrow. At that time, Jing Nan, who just finished the kindergarten small class, was very afraid of this small room, the feeling of loneliness and helplessness was particularly strong. Later, in order to ensure the effectiveness of the test, either I or my wife would accompany the children inside. The most effective and direct way to test the most effective conclusion is to let the child press the button in his hand, but the mentally ill Jing Nan didn’t understand the function of the button in his hand at that time, sometimes we press it when we don’t hear it, sometimes we don’t press it when we hear it, which really makes us anxious. The doctor took out the toy of the circle to replace it. When Jing Nan heard the sound, she put the circle in her hand, which aroused the interest of the child, but only increased the workload of the Doctor’s detection. The test should be done after listening for more than one hour, and it should not suffer from all kinds of possible minor problems affecting hearing. When we went to Hangzhou for a hearing test for the second time, we found that in less than a month, the child’s hearing unexpectedly dropped by more than ten dB, feeling like the sky was falling down, I always feel that there has been such a sharp decline in such a short time. What should I do? The attending doctor did it again in person. Although the number was slightly better, the decline was still obvious. After inquiry, he knew that it was caused by the child’s cold, and the child would recover if the cold recovered. But we were shocked. It seemed that we didn’t trust what the doctor said. After a week, Jing Nan caught a cold, so she hurried to go to the test, and the data returned to the original value. Then she was relieved! Due to job transfer and the networking of detection values, the detection will not go to the provincial capital, but in the small city where the work is carried out. Just like every unit test when reading, I will find a weekend to accompany my child to test every quarter. I was outside, through the glass window, I saw the child sitting there alone, looking at us outside the window. The detection of each audio value was carried out in the continuous and repeated sound, children always hold our hearts out of the window when they press the button gradually, and the green light on the computer screen lights up with pressing the button, and they will always consciously or unconsciously compare with the last audio listening domain value, will there be changes and what are the reasons for the changes? Always calculate the average value when the final test result comes out to see if it is similar to the last test result. If it is similar, it is just like getting full marks in unit test. Fortunately, until now, the results of each time are always satisfactory, which cannot be separated from the help of medical staff and the efforts of children. Banana Boat, a heart-wrenching thing, is willing to carry Jing Nan to spend every happy moment belonging to oneself safely! Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. Maybe because of a certain commitment, or because of a certain… Be good at listening to different voices and opinions On October 6th, I published a travel essay: “beautiful autumn scenery”, which was obtained by many literary websites… Read The Bridges of Madison County “When the white moth spreads its wings, you can come to me at any time”. I think, if I am a man, be accepted… From today on, I want to be happy I read “the biography of Hulan River” long time ago, and I remember that I was really in a heavy mood for a long time. Which characters caused me… Sick time I sneezed one after another these days. I said someone was reading me and others said I was sick. Finally, the doctor also said I was…

回顾

早在三十年代,鲁迅先生说过这样一句话: 不在沉默中爆发,就在沉默中灭亡。 第一次读过这一句话时,我并不究其意,而今,我是越来越深深地理解了。我就要做这样的勇士。或许,我面前只有两条路,其一是走向灭亡,或者再沉默,其二便要爆发了,我太不安分守己了,我人说话了。是因为我在这样多年的沉默中找到了我所要走的路子,文学于我结缘,已有六七年。然而现在,我并不知道我都干了些什么,只觉察到自己是越来越对文学充满了热情,越要想在文学的沃土里独树一个自我来。可是,摸爬滚打的几年来,我已经头破血流了,我已累得无力支撑一个男子汉的我了。我躺在阳光下,休憩着,重新审视自己了,但要看将来我要怎么样的沉默或者爆发,全然地要我回顾我的以前是怎样的经历,是呀,以前的我并没有作出一点成绩来,但仍然要回顾一下子的。 现在模模糊糊记得我最初对文学的兴趣萌芽在初中阶段。初中生的我没有一点明确的目标,朦胧之中只知道文学即文章,作家即是写文章的人,书上印着铅字的文章乃作家所写,于是萌生着一种愿望,老师也叫我们写作文,我们的作文怎么就不可以印在书上呢,有时自己的作文稍稍得了高分,就觉得了不起,当作文能再写好些,不就可以印在书了了吗?这么想着,于是就想做作文了,更想让自己的许许多多的作文编成一本本的书。然而,初中阶段,我的语文成绩并不怎么好,反而对数学有着浓厚的兴趣,作文就更差了,和许多在校学生一样,惧怕作文,一到作文课就心慌意乱,当然,我是作不好一篇作文的,对当作家没有一点心思,也不可能抱有太大的奢望。 在那时,我对升学就没有希望,我是知道我的成绩的,因为严重偏科,许多的老师也在为我加油,甚至已到了升学考试时,他们还在为我捏过一把汗呢。我并不考虑我升不升得上学,也并不考虑我没有升上学后干什么,我的户口已在八五年转为非农业的了,升不了学,也没有土挖,没有地种,也许只有游手好闲。在现在想来,倘使没有升上学,现在也只有两条路摆在我的面前,其是是我会成为一个出色的人物,属正面的,也许会拥有万贯家财,其二,我会成为一个无用的人,就只好在沉默中灭亡,也许会在监狱里几进几出,最终的结果,说不定会挨枪子儿。不过在当时却没这么想,反正总想干点什么事,太平凡的事对我推动了兴趣,唯一的是干了一件让我感到惊天动地的事来,自编了一本政治复习集,很薄的,大多内容都参考了其他的著作,不过体系却是属于我的专有,我只想到的一是干点实事,二是出点风头,风头出了,我也出名了。编好后寄给了重庆出版社,不过,最终结局是退稿了。这是我在搞创作和编辑的最初实践,虽然失败了,但至今是记忆犹新的。后来的升学,我还耍得起得很,真正体现了人们都说的大考大耍,小考小耍。父母虽盯得紧,但我自个儿偷闲耍了不少,根本没有用多少功。升学考试了,父亲特别关心,几乎整个考试的过程父亲都在跟随着我,然而我还在考场上睡过一次觉呢,居然那次考试顺利过关了。我是刚刚跨过录取线的,进了大多数初中生都梦寐以求的中师的大门。这样,我自己感到幸福极了,对那些鄙视过我的别有用心的人,我更小看他们了。 中师的三年,是我人生重要的转折期,我学会了开始用脑思考人生,多多少少读过一些文学书籍,然而总觉得始终没有读够过,因为我历来就不太安分守己,读书也常常是读着读着便又走出了书的世界,仿佛就觉得这样就可以走进作家的行列。现在想来,人生最大的错误和遗憾,就是读了中师,同为在师范学校里,自自然然地形成了一种懒懒散散的习惯,也自自然然地,我染上了这种习性,学业也荒废得差不多了,业余无甚发展。比如说学音乐吧,我们的音乐老师仿佛就没有好好教学,我们每上音乐果,大多在听音乐老师吹毛求疵,大谈特谈他的处世哲学,而且一谈便是两节课,两节课下来,我们就端了饭,又在寝室里大谈特谈音乐老师。他要求我们练琴法,在选修音乐的第一学期,便提出了苛刻的要求,每周弹一课内容,由高年级的同学验收。我开始倒还弹得顺利,可到了第五周上,一首外国曲子《鳟鱼》,却是怎么也弹不过的,双手的协调就显得太笨了。十周后,多数同学都同样没过关,音乐老师就发了一通火,把半期的任务只好延长到全学期。后来,仍然是这种情况,老师就把那半期的任务又延长到一学年。可是,直到毕业,我都还停留在第五课,可也觉得顺利,琴法考试没有出现不良现象,不过那考试内容也极简单。单就说练习一种乐器,我一直选学的是二胡,音乐老师差不多都去指导小提琴,手风琴,在我读师范学校时,学二胡的人就很少,老师没啥管这二胡的,可以这么说,我学二胡,全凭感觉,全然没有按正确的弓法和指法去学,倒还摸索得像样。曾经练习提《二泉映月》《江河水》等乐曲时,自我感觉还是不错的,自自然然的,不过在没有章法的前提下,自个儿摸索出来的,仅仅是皮毛的东西,终究是没有能摸索出一种二胡的境界,没有能充分体现二胡的那种悲壮美,高音区全然没有二胡味,尖声尖气的,缺乏柔情。而如今,丢弃了几年,有时把玩一下,也无甚是好,越发可怜起来,以至于完完全全地芒疏了。 在平常的读书,也如这学音乐一样,没有多大的收获,白白地浪费了三年时光。其实,那是有条件读过许多书的,因为懒散,成天就无所事事,偶尔也读过一些书,但从书中体味到的毕竟太肤浅,枉自在师校昊逛了三年。而那时作过许多诗,而且专写诗,大多在阅读和思考时突发奇想,算不作叫做灵感什么的,只觉得好玩,写的自己就有一种满足感。那些诗,或许并不叫诗,当时的热情也很高,管他叫诗,以为写出来,就可以出个专集,投稿是少有的,并不见有变成铅字的,尔后还认认真真地有近百首集成册,寄给一家出版社。寄出后,我就在圆满我的诗人梦。结果,诗人是没有做成的,那个集子定名为《夜晚的风》,我永远会记得的,记着它,就想到我曾经幼幼稚稚地搞了个自编诗集,称它为处女诗集吧。我读过一些诗,虽然那时也总是读不懂,但也从字里行间摸索出过一些诗味来,那是很肤浅的,甚或不明其意的,就觉得诗人都很神秘,只有神秘的诗人才能写出那神秘的诗。于是在读诗时就惊叹于人家的那支笔,就觉得自己怎么做起诗人梦来,自己的那支笨笔怎么也写不出像诗的东西来,自愧弗如之后,心情又亢奋不已,以为那些诗莫不是也经过像我这样经历之后才成长为诗人的,我就想加倍勤奋努力。那《夜晚的风》中的诗,我有时也要自个儿看的,但我或许不允许它有第二个读者了、 那时候,还有一件让我感到吃惊的是,一点基础也没有,连小说是什么也未曾知晓,又未作过短篇或中篇的尝试,居然作起长篇小说来,其幼稚,我都觉得好笑。还记得那个小说取名为《曲回的波折》,我要写的是一群中学生的故事,又主要以其中两个人为主,一男一女,叙写他们爱情的经历,真正的爱情不是一帆风顺的,是要经历重重阻拦和与阻拦作过斗争的,他们是出于一种纯洁的爱,以爱情为动力,双双考大学的历险曲折,反映八十年代末九十年代初的学生的精神风貌和心理状态,歌颂他们对未来的崇高理想的精神。确实,大多数中学生是求上进的,是充满幻想的,是对未来充满信心的,旨在通过一群中学生反映广大中学生的世界。那个故事是偶尔在头脑中闪现过,然后经过一度时期的构思,为他们安排过一些离奇的情节,设置过许许多多的矛盾,给他们设想的结局就很理想化的。那一段时间,我是走在路上也在想,睡在床上也在想,坐在教室里也在想,几乎我的生活里天天都有他们来作伴,到了我觉得可以动笔写的时候,我就利用午休时间,把自己关在蚊帐里写。开始就写得很顺利,让主人公直接出场,再就是一场很危险的事故,是车祸,险些让主人公丢掉性命,一些主要的人物就随着这次事故而出场了。写的时候,速度在我那时是惊人,几乎下笔就觉得收不住笔,当时间不允许的时候,我就在脑中为他们安排下一个节目。结果,当写有两万多字时,卡壳了,却怎么也找不到合适的语言和故事续接这群中学生的生活,更没办法使主人公的爱情有个清晰的过程,没法写下去了,也就放弃了,直到现在,我已回忆不起那个小说的轮廓了,只好让它流产了,就那一两万字,是羞于见人的,自己觉得好笑了,不敢拿出来。在那之后,我就迷惘了,文学于我,竟如此艰难,自己就感到我没有当作家的命,虽与文学有缘,但无份,诗也没有一首好的,小说也是作不下去的,于是就玩他人的诗,作起编辑来,把我收集到的一些诗篇,辑录成一个集子,定名为《天空,飞过一行大雁》,然后寄给一家出版社。那个集子纯属一时兴味,高兴了,没事了,找点事来干,可发,好久好久都没收到回音。于是,去过几次信,也无回音,我就想,莫非出版社的编辑挺忙的,无暇回函,书出来了,自然会寄来的,所以就放弃查询的,又到后来竟将这事忘记了。大约是几个月之后,我就收到了退稿,当时我还惊异,以为真的书出来了,然而还未拆开时,心里就灰了,一个大信封,早已破损不堪了,一眼看到的是仍是我手抄的原稿,一气之下,将那些稿纸和原来自己创作的东西一起付之一炬。 在文学上,中师的三年就这样暗淡无光,所幸的是一点点收获,也让当时的我欣喜若狂,在市级报刊上发过一首散文诗,在市县后上发过十几个消息,书法稿。还有两首短诗被收入两种集子。成绩就这一点,不好意思说出来的。但就仅这点成绩,我很感激我的语文老师刘守明先生,也感激我们的老校长刘平康先生。刘老师关心过我,给予过帮助和鼓励。他教我们《文选与写作》的课程,他的课上得很好,给我启迪最深,我的对文学的感情,大约是因为他的课,我喜欢听他的课,深刻细致且富有感情,但我平常的作文就写得很差劲,在各种框框下作文,就有一种束缚的感觉,放不开手脚。三年中写作文最佳的一次,是我无意之中写的,写了三四天,一千多字,题目叫《我的父亲》,自由发挥,在学校还被评了个一等奖。我有时就为学校写点消息,每有稿子,我就去找校长盖章,刘校长是一个心细之人,他对我的每一篇稿子都要提出许许多多修改意见,语法上的,逻辑上的,我都遵照做了,改好了,再请刘校长看。刘校长从不因为我是学生,就不予理睬,他的那种热情,我是怎么也不会忘记的,就是现在,我也有时要去拜访他老人家,所发的那几个消息稿,都倾注了他的心血。安师办了一个风帆文学社,我总以为不怎么景气,没搞多少真正的活动,也没组织过多少讲座,改稿会之类的,社刊是没有出过一本的。 现在,从学校出来工作了四年,一直居村小,社会活动多了些,见了些世面,但仍有点不知天高地厚,不知文坛有多大,文坛是怎么样的,就只有凭订阅的一两份刊物,略知一二。对社会,对人生就在这段时间里,有了深刻的思考,一反在校时的状态,又只身闯进文学堆里。然而,始终觉得自己在文学的氛围里瞎摸乱撞,自己被撞得头破血流,到头来,我仍然觉得思想和认识上的贫乏,只不过,随着年龄的增长,在人生课题的思考,是比较深入的了,偶或作过一首两首诗,其思想性略显得成熟一些,诗的创作有了质的飞跃,自己满意过,但仍然承袭了中师以来的那种懒散的习性,依旧没有多少作为。初走上工作岗位,凭着一股子热情,工作拿下来了,且来自学校方面和群众方面的嘉奖与肯定,使我更坚定了工作的信念,不乐意去想下海的事儿。安下心来,一方面就在好好教书,一方面就抓起了创作,当然也就有了小小的一点成绩。出过一个合集,叫《自然箫音》,这个诗集本是我哥哥欲出版的一本诗集,出版就列为自费出版的一种,他苦于没有多余的资金,便找我想办法,条件是合出一本诗集,这也是我一生中后悔和遗憾的事。我选了三四十首诗歌入集,写作的时间都较早,从诗来看,仍显得稚嫩,没有多少可取之处,居然也放进了集子里出了书,显然这毫无意义。我并不明白我当时也是那么地心切切的,有机会出一点东西,而且又是给钱出的,实在是鬼迷了心窍,现在的我绝不希望给钱出作品的,出不了,不出也是可以的,自己写出来,自己又是读者。这本书出来后,好像我还风光了一下,给有关领导和朋友都赠送过,简直大可不必的,在那时却做了。 在这几年来,我只做过一件称得上有意义的事,那便是我的 小星星 文学社。那时我在教中段语文,要求学生写作文的,一次偶然机会,文心出版社,全国作文研究中心,《小学生作文选刊》杂志社要在全国搞一个首届小学文学社作文大赛,我得到了一点启发,立即成立了文学社,主要是为鼓励学生努力学习,学会写作文,开拓发展。没想到,那次还有学生获奖。后来就更有劲头了,学生高兴,我也高兴,学生有信心,我也有信心,写作成了学生的一次业余活动,但学生毕竟是农村娃娃,思路不宽,视野有限,作文水平受到极大限制,我尽力指导他们写身边的,就写写农村,写学校生活,写景状物,写人,写事,什么都写,也还辅导出了一些作文出来,间或在一些报刊杂志上发表过,文学社以其独特性,而且有了成绩,很愉就得到了有关上级部门的关心,县文化馆,县教研室还专门来人调查,指导并鼓励,我真感激县文化馆的桂玉德老师,他主编安县报的副刊,专门给我的小星星文学社辟了一个专栏,这不仅给学生以极大的鼓励,也使我受至极大的鼓舞。教研室马道骧老师给予我的就更多了,可以说,他是直接指导我搞教学工作和文学社工作,我一心扑在工作上,特别卖力,组稿,编印社刊,花费的精力不少,文学社建社两年,我又专门组织了一个纪念会,绵阳德阳两市,县领导,还有兄弟学校的文学社,特到会祝贺。那次会也是一个成功的会。后来, 小星星 被列为了县三大文学社之一。只可惜,文学社辉煌过一两年后,就像昙花一现一般,悄无声息了,这是我性格懦弱导致而成,也是环境因素的影响,文学社没有阵地,没有人缘,本应向前大大发展一步,竟也没有条件,学校不给安排,我很气愤,论教学,论工作,学校都置之不理,但我相信我自己的工作是做出了成绩。既然如此,我越来越淡然地对待我的工作了,就让我的 小星星 文学社永久地消失。中国的社会,对许多有发展潜能的人,不可能得到重视,不可能被发掘,不可能给以拓展才能的阵地。这样的人,其实是可能为社会作出大贡献的,但结果被埋没,他们得到的只是遗恨,他们的精神风貌就不会很佳,做起事来,就不可能惊天地泣鬼神般的有成就,这就像古代一些文人所谓的 怀才不遇 吧。 我是一个不会安分守己的人,总想干点让某些人吃惊的所谓大事来,虽然这样的事不是被很多人理解,但我总想冒个险,试一试,干点实事。文学社办不成了,于是就想办个民间文学报,于是慢慢考察我办报的可能性,最后就轰轰烈烈地筹办了起来。在一些民间文学报刊上发出了创刊征稿启事。启事发出后,倒还深得了一些文学爱好者的信任,支持,源源不断地收到了全国各地的来稿。事情真不是一帆风顺的,办报之事遇到重重阻拦,首先是办证问题,再就是经费问题,为这事,我还专门向一些县内专家请教,桂玉德先生还支持这件事,不过,他尚流露出惭愧的神色,他作为县文化馆文学辅导干部,对繁荣全县文学事业,他也作过一些打算,比方成立个 安县业余文学作者协会 ,再搞过会刊,让业余文学作者有个发表园地。但至今未搞起来。现在办什么事都是这么艰难,真正有益于社会的文化事业,就不好办,没有经费来源,一直到后来,也就放弃了办报,惭愧万分。又在1993年,组织召开了一个安县青年文学作者创作笔会,请来了市上的文学编辑,作协领导,与会人员二十十人,那次是我真见识了一些文化名人,他们均在文学上的成就是瞩目的。政协文史办的胡国庵先生给予极大的支持和鼓励,并给我献计献策,有关文史资料,报刊的印刷、办证等,都毫无保留地向我传授。他老先生就特别关心支持全县青年作者的创作,以及文化活动。但官方学报终究没有办成。我为这事苦恼过,一心一意地想搞点事业出来,自己的工作条件不允许,办证又较难,最难的是经费问题没法解决,靠朋友赞助不是长远打算。一直到后来,也就放弃了办报。 这四年里,我的创作上真正要说是并没有多少收获的,不好在人前说起的。一个人不是勤奋努力的,那么他出点正经事来的,好比我这四年时间里,我所做的一些事,就不满意,我真希望的,却没有做出来,在情场上的努力和遭受的挫折,使我一度地悲悲伤伤过日子,以至于工作上也没有做好,创作上荒废了四年时光。现在呢,我是经过长时间的阵痛的思考,苦苦地寻出了一条路子,我想,我必须改变我的方法,改变我的主攻方向,走诗的路子,我是没有出路的,相反的,满脑子里整天活跃着许多新鲜的东西。我想,我要走的诗歌创作道路,几年来,或许成为我整个文学道路的第一级阶梯,现在要向前迈出一步了,是荆棘,也要披荆斩棘地闯出去。这条路,或许于我是更坚实的,走向成功的最佳选择。当然,这要尝试,或许也有失败的可能,但终究是要走的! 1995.12.24完稿于乐兴。 赞 (散文编辑:江南风) 春之消雪 春之消雪,多了 遥念,欲说还休。遥念,就在那片雪原之上。雪还真是很美,到底是春天… 等待 等待,是一种坚守,执着于某种信念而不离不弃。可能因为某一种承诺,也有可能因为某一… 要善于倾听不同的声音和意见 我于10月6日 发表 了一篇 游记 散文 :《 满眼 秋色 美如画》,不少 文学 网站 得到了… 读《廊桥遗梦》 “当白蛾子张开翅膀的时候,可以来找我,随时都可以”。我想,如果我是一个男人,当收… 从今天开始,我要快乐 很早以前囫囵吞枣读过《呼兰河传》,记得当时心情着实沉重了好久,具体是哪些人物引起… 得病的时日 这两天接二连三的打喷嚏,我说是有人在念我,别人都说我有病,最后医生也说我有…

SE

Where to go to play on New Year’s Day? It seems to be what I just said yesterday. In a flash, a month has passed. Thinking about when the students are going to start school, in a flash, they are all on holiday. I once thought that 2015 was so far away that it came to the end of the first month of 2015. It will be February of 2015 soon. We still need to make a summary about January. I. The way to go is to chat with friends, he said. In this society, in fact, many things are not difficult, which are related to one’s own positioning. He said if we want to earn 1000 a month, then just find a job. Earn 5000 a month. Then you have to apply for a manager. But if you want to make a month 10,000, that unless we have extra-long, or really can’t work, only is entrepreneurship. In fact, I think when we are doing things, we should learn more if we can. Then go out more to see people and things in the outside world. If possible, we will also start a business. This has nothing to do with money. Starting a business is not for money, but for realizing oneself. It is for a life experience. Having experienced it is wealth. In January, I chatted with 2 friends who graduated from high school. Are Girl. Now we are doing foreign trade by ourselves. I said, you 2 PCs English must be very good. They said it was really not good. But they had a friend who couldn’t recognize all the Chinese characters, and even those who typed and played could receive orders. They certainly could. They are doing well now. Wang Lifen said: Up to now, I have found that there are only three things that few people regret. The first is to exercise and the second is to start a business, no matter success or failure. The third is that the child is born. The first thing is to lay the foundation for your life, the second thing you see is to let you know the real world and life, and the third thing is to give you the imagination and hope of life. My friend said that the worst result of starting a business is that you didn’t earn money and learned all your knowledge. With experience, no matter what you do later, you can do well. Moreover, we will see the world more clearly. After experiencing it, we will understand. They also understand each other. Even if they go to work and have experienced it, they will certainly be better than others. Of course, in case you make money accidentally. Right. Besides, we won’t lose much. We already have no money. IV. Why are you confused once when chatting with friends, she is a girl. I said, don’t think about it, get married well, and then take the children at home. She said, don’t want to like that. I said that you don’t want to start a business. His husband said that everyone has a dream. From then on, I knew that everyone had a dream, but some people did it while others did not. But do more, do less, and work hard for your dreams and goals. Just a lot of people are confused about what they are doing. Why do I feel confused? In January, I saw a special feeling. That is, why life is confused, that is, the age when we should have struggled, but we think too much and do too little. Think about it, it’s really like this. Why do we think too much? First, we want too much; Second, we are too scared. Thirdly, we thought that there was always a closer way in this world, so we kept looking for it and gave up when we found it. Finally, I was confused. Because we didn’t see the effect at all, we changed another one, did a little, and didn’t see the effect. But in fact, if we only need to do one point and concentrate on one point, a lot of things will be good. Don’t need large and. As long as it can be done better. Because of one point, we have done it well, so we don’t need to do anything else. For example, when we work as Alibaba, Taobao agents will come to us, WeChat agents will also come to us, and wholesale will also come. This is really enough for us to eat for a lifetime. Of course, the same is true for WeChat, Taobao and design. Wait, in fact, they are all the same. If we do a good job, we don’t need to do anything else. But that point should be done well. 5. Simple in January, I slept a lot. Of course, I also had leisure time, because everyone was preparing for the new year and students were also on vacation. Many businesses have gradually entered the New Year mode. But I didn’t expect to sleep more, but gain a little more. To put it simply, usually, we always want to do things by ourselves. As a result, one thing happens suddenly. Maybe we will waste a day’s time for half a day. Sleep very late at night, press the phone, get up in the morning and tired, tired for another day. Day after day, year after year, it is really tiring. At least not so much spirit. In fact, most of the time, we are really greedy. For example, why do you sleep so late, why can’t you give something to others, and why can’t you just do one method. Why can’t you record videos well and develop software well. In January, I chatted with a friend. In fact, we often talked about this friend before. He did Baidu bidding. But his life is the most comfortable. It is written in my speech that he rented an office alone, hired an employee, and then all the orders received, the customer service, and all the employees came. What about him, I read books in my office every day. What books do you read? Reading Lu Xun, Lao She and Yu Qiuyu’s proses are all literary works anyway. He is over 200 a year. He doesn’t care how Baidu changes or how WeChat changes. Anyway, it’s just to put in advertisements, and don’t do anything else. If there are less orders, just make a few more products. In fact, his products are all the same, just change the name and packaging. Let the factory help to handle all of them. He is really bored to death every day. In fact, we can also know it in our imagination, but he makes a lot of money. Because he only did one method, and only did that method to the extreme. Then he does what he likes best every day. Every day to see literature book. He is still single, but the house is very large. I also bought more than 200. Also is one-time. In fact, we really think too much about many things. What can you do after doing so much? What can you do if you are tired every day? What can you do if you have so many unique skills. After all, it is not worth a result. In fact, we all understand these. But we don’t believe it. It is February of 2015 in a flash. People who have been wandering outside for a year can finally go home and get together. This month is destined to be a joyous month. As time goes by, many places outside seem to have the smell of new year. However, there are still a lot of people who stick to the last moment. Time has been passing. No matter when, the pace of moving forward never stops for a second. In 2015, I lived a quiet life of my own, having dreams, positioning, simplicity, and paying more. My Q:838504315, welcome to add. Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. Maybe because of a certain commitment, or because of a certain… Be good at listening to different voices and opinions On October 6th, I published a travel essay: “beautiful autumn scenery”, which was obtained by many literary websites… Read The Bridges of Madison County “When the white moth spreads its wings, you can come to me at any time”. I think, if I am a man, be accepted… From today on, I want to be happy I read “the biography of Hulan River” long time ago, and I remember that I was really in a heavy mood for a long time. Which characters caused me… Sick time I sneezed one after another these days. I said someone was reading me and others said I was sick. Finally, the doctor also said I was…

Dear

I saw the shadows of many people, black, without smiles on the ground. They were regarded as melodramatic sadness and laughed at them together with the night. And I don’t make any comments, I just want to write them. They are happy every day, just like a child who is always favored by the sunshine. However, they are listening to very sad songs. They are so powerful that many people will say to them: you have to cheer up. But few people know comfort. Maybe, when I grow up, what I need most like them is not that sentence. The upward spirit has been engraved in the bones, and no one needs to repeat it. Is there anything more touching than that sentence, happy and sad I have been there all the time? Just like my mother, every time she calls me, what she says is not to cheer up, but not to sleep late and pay attention to diet. This kind of exhortation is the warmth I want. I know that no matter what, I can have the company of my family. But I know that nobody will always be there. Many people can only chew their inner pain alone more often. I have seen many people hide the words in a place where few people see them. I asked them what happened. The answer is blank. Because they understand that it is better to let themselves know something. One of them is very close to me. She grew up. Although she still played with us, she had her own heart and didn’t want to be known. But I really hope she is still the child who played with me since childhood. Perhaps, because of this, I have never liked the so-called maturity. When I was young, people who laughed and cried were crazy. When I grow up, I understand that people who laugh at them are fools. Even relatives and friends still cannot replace some people. Those people can say “come on” to you many times and “sorry” many times, but they won’t say “like you. In fact, in one word, they will never bring you a kind of spiritual companionship. They may not care about your happiness and sorrow. But happiness and pain really belong to oneself. Therefore, love yourself and say positive words to yourself every morning, because this can determine your mood for a day. I have watched a lot of TV plays before, but I don’t understand what happened to those people who were crying. Later I realized that everyone had a movie of his own in his mind. Don’t look at it, everything is fine. Once you touch it, you will touch the wound that has not yet scabbed. But we know that time can dilute everything. Put them in one corner. Don’t refuse, let them come and go freely. In fact, in some days, it is also a kind of youth that needs to be experienced to live a life of eating and traveling alone and talking with each other. If you can, don’t listen to sad songs or get in touch with everything related to the past. In a place which is half desert and half forest, try to turn around to see the green. But in fact, I know that no matter how many words I write, I can’t get rid of all the sadness. I know that even if I hope that my friends and relatives around me will not be entangled by troubles, even if I hope that Ji Yu will not feel sad for the so-called loss like a heartless person, it is just a fantasy. The reason why life is life is that it is not only happy but not sad. Some people get happiness easily, while others wait for no result all the time. But I always don’t like a person suffering from gain and loss, and I feel sad in comparison. I would rather spend these time working hard for those who really love me. Silent pride and modest bloom are never empty words. It is my pursuit to gallop the world with the utmost softness. Although I am not a very gentle person, what I want to do is to interpret the strongest self in the softest way. I can say directly that what I need is love, not sympathy. If you can’t give me love, I would rather not have any of yours. Don’t tell me the so-called right or wrong, because I am me and I have the right to decide my thoughts. Indeed, my words have little power. I can only use them to give you the most powerless companionship. I don’t want to say anything to you. Come on, leave this sentence to others. I just want to say that happiness is shared and hardship is shared. As my deskmate once said, I always stay when I am sad. Perhaps, everyone can’t avoid feeling sad for some people. They either ignore you, or leave you forever, or they can’t give you what you really want, and then you will smile and smile faintly across your heart, you will curl up and cry silently in the corner of no one, and there will be a face of sunshine behind you. Because you know you can’t make others worry for some people. In those days when you haven’t forgotten some kind of fixed pain, some kind of emotion will always find a gap to invade you. But you know that all things can only be attributed to loess in the end, so you don’t obstruct it and let it come and go freely, because you are the master, not the servant. Maybe many people hope that someone will say to themselves: feel sad in front of me. I really want to do this because I know it is very important. I am really hope that my friends can have such happiness. I have read some friends’ message boards hiding unknown sadness. Sometimes when I really pack up my mood and feel very happy, if I meet someone I care about and have their unhappiness, heart inevitably sad. Fortunately, what I still have is real passion. I believe I can convey the warmth through space. Maybe sometimes I really look like a female man in front of familiar people, but more often I just want to be myself quietly, even accompanying me silently. In fact, sadness is not a sin. What is wrong is that it will last forever and never recover. The mistake is to put the words in a sad place forever, instead of conveying warmth. I can say that because I still have family members who want to repay and friends who want to cherish, there is no one who can make me sad to decadence. But don’t think that in front of everyone, I am eager to be a strong self. Like (prose editor: drops of ink become wounds) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. Maybe because of a certain commitment, or because of a certain… Be good at listening to different voices and opinions On October 6th, I published a travel essay: “beautiful autumn scenery”, which was obtained by many literary websites… Read The Bridges of Madison County “When the white moth spreads its wings, you can come to me at any time”. I think, if I am a man, be accepted… From today on, I want to be happy I read “the biography of Hulan River” long time ago, and I remember that I was really in a heavy mood for a long time. Which characters caused me… Sick time I sneezed one after another these days. I said someone was reading me and others said I was sick. Finally, the doctor also said I was…

xue qu

It is really the end of the year, the TV is playing up, the New Year goods in the neighbor’s house are piled up, and the joy of friends returning home is filled with, which makes me always feel compelled by time, when I was turning the calendar page by page, a large number of snowflakes fell down in the gloomy sky. I always liked the snow. Mei Xue loved both, not only because of their cool beauty, more because of their self-esteem. The topic seems to be too far away, so we ‘d better turn around. Once the dusty memory is opened, there is always a kind of light growth sorrow. That was more than ten years ago, the age of being ignorant of the world. Living with parents in a small yard of about 100 square meters. That was not the place where I played with my companions, and the yard next door was not only big, but also not blocked by walls, so it became the place where we played. It snowed a foot high in winter this year. The colored glaze on the eaves drooped down long, and the cold wind was cold. Adults hid in the house and didn’t want to go out. They didn’t know what the cold I am, ignoring the rising snow, removing the strong dissuade from parents, walking outside like an old lady, and shouting the name of his friend with loud noise. After a while, they walked out from the four neighbors one after another, just like me, their red little faces were rippling with cool joy. We put our hands into the snow to wash our hands and see how the snow slowly melts under the temperature of our hands. We carefully watch their shapes and colors with our palms one after another. We use snow to knead into balls and throw snowballs to each other, after playing all the tricks with the snowstick, we stopped panting and used our intelligence and wisdom, and then came up with a way to play. I suddenly shouted: Why did you forget? We make a snowman? Good! But who will? Everyone looked at each other, and I was also asked. Just pile it up, whatever it is good or bad. Therefore, everyone made snowmen in high spirits. First, they chose the location. Everyone thought of the open space beside the big tree in the yard. Just do what you say, and the little friends pile up as they wish, and they all take care of what their masterpieces are. At the climax of our interest, a stern voice came: What are you doing!? Our hands shivered for a moment, and we were stiff there at the same time, looking at where the sound came from. Uncle Wang was standing there staring straightly. Look at your pile of things. How adverse. Quickly a ruin. Only when we were stunned did we think of seeing our own masterpiece. It turned out that the snowman had become a grave, just like the youth in the grave that we have remembered till now. We couldn’t help being panic. After eliminating the grave three times and five times, we broke up unhappily. Such a cheerful smile and fearless play have never been seen before. Enjoy the snow, it seems to be the first and last time. I will never return after my childhood. After that, she yearned for the snow and thought deeply about the bleak artistic conception of the snow which was extremely cold. When she came, she waited and watched quietly. She thought about it all the time. As she grew older, the craze for her gradually filtered into elegant and extraordinary light, and recalled and imagined her from time to time. Like (prose editor: Ke Er) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. Maybe because of a certain commitment, or because of a certain… Be good at listening to different voices and opinions On October 6th, I published a travel essay: “beautiful autumn scenery”, which was obtained by many literary websites… Read The Bridges of Madison County “When the white moth spreads its wings, you can come to me at any time”. I think, if I am a man, be accepted… From today on, I want to be happy I read “the biography of Hulan River” long time ago, and I remember that I was really in a heavy mood for a long time. Which characters caused me… Sick time I sneezed one after another these days. I said someone was reading me and others said I was sick. Finally, the doctor also said I was…

Orange

Town winter’s night is so beautiful. I surprised however! At this time, home town is immersed in Antian awake, a rou jing, a tranquil. And the street lights is town night sleepless eyes, yizhanzhan crystal clear, issued orange light, pure and warm, light up home town winter’s night. Street in frames and non-person, and day see very different, Street spacious, clean, quiet, gone congestion, no noisy. Night precipitation everything! On both sides of the building quietly hidden in black, like two rugged river. Such a filled with orange light of the street, just like the summer sunsets wan zhao Golden drains. Winter Night Sky deep and good-natured, like a black cotton-padded filled with infinite tenderness. Star shiny, blink flashing, sentimental. No cold air, fresh air, soft, moist, thick to dense, as if the texture, as home warm kind of black soil, like Winter land covers on the thick snow, soft and moist. I couldn’t help slowing down my hurry to home, and breathed deeply again and again casually. Journey into the walk, dragging small luggage, a person leisurely walk home town winter’s night, Sandan and leisurely. Breathing the fragrance of night, enjoying town of tranquility and serenity, seem to have boundless freedom, as if walking in pure one party World, pure is warm, is the red in, glowing world out-and-out fireworks and taste. What red, what Zen soil Buddha, always give a person a kind of cold, sorrow, thin cool feeling, which than town tonight so warm heart lungs and they clean and fresh. I intuition each cell of the body relaxation light up, every pore opened small mouth pitter carefree breathing, for a time, heart as if out of secular all restraint, comfortable, all kinds of burdens fluttered and fluttered gently …… the train was late, and it was already around midnight when it arrived at the hometown town. The exact time of the return trip was not told to Mr. Zhou in advance, which was intended to give him a surprise. At this time, platform on a late-night deserted, train Kacha Kacha to come and go, get off to the little that several passengers suddenly all disappeared. I took out my mobile phone to call Mr. Zhou, asking him to pick him up by car, but suddenly I stopped. And not multi-pity Mr., afraid disturbance his winter midnight sweet sleep. In my mind, Mr., a big man, stand-up, through wind and rain, can play, like great mountains and like harbor. For Mr. is dependent used. And Mr. see I, forever is hothouse flowers, fearing it, worry that, what nothing rest assured. I, it is a sudden whim: why don’t you walk alone in a small town at night? Town of night is what, I also never know! Moreover, this from our home also a little distant, two three station away position suits my walk. Actually, Subconsciously, in a hint to Mr. prove yourself of want. Prove? Moxie? Joke! Travel-stained return, a enters County border, sleep back home, a warm kind of breath lunged, filled with heart, filled with whole body. This get in city to also not like into the their yards? Home! The boat and car were relieved immediately, and the hanging heart fell to the ground. It was stable, calm and secure. Suddenly, about it inspiration. Then let my wayward about it. No car, no language, I walk alone in the quiet town winter’s night, walk this orange in the haze of, like walking in Dream of edge. My heart drunk and flying. Street lamp a pick up a relay, homey one to me greet send. Street fell a leaf trees zhi zhi ya ya such as silhouette, appearing tough and fortitude, like with street lamp stand watch together this party and peaceful. My light steps and the wheels of the trolley and Street ensemble with a has a different rhythm of music, such as soft soothing background music. Night seems more quiet. All of everything seems at rest: trees and buildings, even heaven and earth, even air. Absentminded, I got into a pure fairy tale world. It’s a thoroughly spotless world, everything clean. The sky is bluer, the sun is redder, and the flowers are brighter. People, both men and women, both young and old, are the same sincere, kind and beautiful. “Snow White”? No! There are vicious stepmother. “The daughter of the Sea”? Not really, because, there are pretty little mermaid that sad sorrow. That’s described by Tao of peach garden! Land ping kuang, House has, have fertile land mei chi silk bamboo of genus. Qianmo traffic, ji quan xiang wen. huang fa chui tiao, and be contented and happy. What a beautiful realm! I walk this spring like soft night cannot help but relaxation fugue, feeling like flower facing Chunhui Xinyue Bloom …… suddenly, ears Haizi poem from tomorrow to be a happy man; Grooming chopping wood travel around world from tomorrow care & vegetable and food I have a house facing the sea spring …… to every river and every mountain a warm name stranger I also bless you wish you have a bright future may you married lovers may you enjoy happiness in this earthly world very fond of Hai Zi’s this song “facing the sea spring” Often reading chant, will feel: wide, sunny, spring breeze was blowing, flowers fragrance. Heart Kaner then clear, quiet, peaceful. In this province Literary Federation organized poetry, prose pen meeting, from Anhui a poet again with deep emotion recited this had been moved by millions of Psalms room of silence, psalms gripped participating everyone heart. That was Haizi’s expectation. He with aromatic verse warm the hearts of men, but he never done happiness hence, because, he no tomorrow. He to tragic way with this world refuse: Shanhaiguan fibrillation tracks, red with it, withered and yellow grass, mournful winds. World was shocked! Heart was violently tear ache! He that knew of the talent, his noble mind, his labored and secular fornication strength of character, people sigh, sigh teardrop. Only when something is lost can one realize the value of its existence and understand its precious value. This is human weakness! Some say, Haizi’s departure marks a innocence end. Haizi is pure image fashion is. I agree with all kinds of statements like this. Red deep how much deeply? Desire greatly big geometric? In material life is extremely rich, house, vegetables, food, firewood, who also not get the most basic necessary for life? But, happiness several people? Material desire, desire for power, financial desire, acquisitiveness no end. The red in men and women in obsessively, scrambling, infighting, Pennywise, how many people end up several defeat all injury, lin li bu he, friends turn against and even fight, blood stained land. The true meaning of life? I also asked about this question, which is vulgar but has been bothering human beings. My heart still lost. As I such ants-like life meaningful? Every day doing most profane yourself: Do daughter, do daughter-in-law, do wife, mother, doing unit in the most common employees, Day played pots and pans-symphony, and daily necessities sauce vinegar tea tangled. Like a puppet holding a string, like a silent lamb with a drooping head; Like a mustard, like dust. What mean? But, for Haizi, I only reverence, but I absolutely can not match. My mother often said: Life, vegetation spring. I understand her old man’s meaning: since a life has come to the world, it is necessary to practice the life course given by God and never give up halfway. More than eighty-year-old mother, is physically like old house with four under leak, but she often said cheerfully: car fail just push. The life of the mother is trivial is hard; Is ordinary, but to our children is extremely important, is also great. Even now, back home, call a mom, hear mother hot warm to should be a sound, immediately will feel relaxed and warm, a have a mother of happiness and sweet in the house quivering, quietly air. This is home! Otherwise, no matter how the mansion, hua wu, are nothing but a cold building only. We everyone living world life is not just their own Ah! To our family, to our friends, we is unique. Amateur is writer, business is sick. Who cheerfully smiled and say that? Oh! Is I admire famous writer Shi Tiesheng Mr. Mr. Shi’s life is suffering. Youth for legs paralyzed alternative against the wheelchair-, middle age old diseases affecting double kidney, eventually causing uremia, need every other day dialysis. Even so, he but to create so many beautiful works, such as “and I went” the life on a String “my distant Qingping Bay” “disease gap broken pen” We see is he in a wheelchair brilliant smiling face, he laugh so laugh, as warm. He’s more like a patient! Death is an least anxious thing. He smiled and said. He can build the waist legend. I think Mr. Shi Tiesheng explained the meaning of living to US best in his life. Zhang Xianliang Mr. is another what I like and admire famous writer. Initially deeply touched my is his “spirit and flesh”, then read “Green Tree” half of man is woman the xiaoerbulake “, and other short-and-medium-sized. When I read my book of Bodhi tree “, often and often tears, make reading cannot conducted. Zhang Xianliang Mr. youth of a poem “Wind Song”, was labeled as a rightist in jail. At the time of the climate, coupled with his origin, he eyes on all purgatory-like exercise, suffered non-human’s suffering and abuse. Ins and outs, repeatedly in prison spent almost er shi nian time er shi nian! A person’s life there are several er shi nian? Besides, those two decades were the most beautiful period in my life. After Forty puzzled year, Zhang Xianliang Mr. finally completely eliminated a body and mind of a double bind, face upwards, to CLS Chapter become contemporary Chinese literary world of a Abnormal eye-catching star. He is elegant elegant, is witty free and easy, his tough, suffused with water of style, ductile have tender, warm. Water, boneless, can dishuichuanshi. I want to say, Zhang Xianliang Mr. Real is created self-adjustments magic! This world have come many such noble soul, this world today and also there is no lack of has a soul, although still has all sorts of unsatisfactory, but I still believe she is beautiful. In this orange warm halo, in the gentle dreamland of the small town, I walked casually and leisurely, and my thoughts danced gently. Unknowingly to residential door. Suddenly, a wonderful voice came, from the high air, and it seemed that from the depth of memory, from far to near, from faint to clear. Oh, is a plane is from night sky flying through, red lights shimmer, like a wandering most beautiful the stars of. Very like hear the planes flying over the sound, especially at night, that sound Total thrown my heart gentle ripples, round and round, lingering, beautiful. Childhood, summer night, Sky in occasionally aircraft rumbled fly over, our children will immediately stop frolic, Oh yo, aircraft! Cries of pleasure, turn his face distance, heart joy, joy and excited. Night sky flying aircraft is so mysterious! Where it came from-year-old flew to where? Little Heart Kaner filled with confusion and longing, half half. Eyes tightly chasing, reluctance to relax, until aircraft gone whereabouts, also not hear sound. My grandma also Sky recover last eyes, chanting my infant name repeat her old saying: ya er, to study hard, grow up to anything, promising to sit aircraft. There was no doubt that Grandma’s words put another dazzling brilliance on the plane. Heard who sang the song We are learned by children’s songs: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Heaven phone. Call me to join the army, I haven’t grew up. In childhood imagination adult world is how beautiful! Have successful, have the joy, a celebration, happiness with various beauty. Now, Grandma had died for more than twenty years, ya er also on sale at clay doll into a middle-aged, come and go, fly is no longer anything and we cannot do. In Grandma opinion, her ya er whether ambition? Mind a famous essay writer Mudd teacher: if we end up not liang cheng torch, liang cheng lighthouse, I hope, we also going to show belongs to their own light. Even if only Firefly general faint light in the, also to every opportunity to to in this the world is flashing this is we live in this world of value. Maybe, that moment, only one person passing, he saw, he also said lightly, oh, this is a firefly, it issued their own light. Every life came to this world is not easy, let us cherish their life, serious life. District of street lamp more radiant, more warm, more warmth, more warm, cell is like a gentle harbor. A flickering family wings-set packs flat, steeped in gentle of the night, like steeped in soft sweet dreaming I. Sleeping happy people, good sleep …… oh, orange street lamp illuminated night Ah, she like loving mother has a lofty tenderness. Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) change the way to continue to stay with this city I went out at 6 o’clock in the morning and came back at almost 8 o’clock in the evening. From beginning to end, I only welcomed myself with silence; Since I went to college, on weekends… [Original essay] string words Since winter, the sky is dry and the snow is misty. The whole earth is desolate and empty. Whether your mood is like a year, or… Forever military dream Forever military Dream (Ma Xiaochun, Kangle county, Gansu province) memories are like meteors, passing through the unmarked and blurred eyes, and the outline gradually… Spring rain I like spring rain like everything on the Earth. Just after the new year, the sky began to rain. I really like the spring in Jiangnan… Plucked the snowflakes of Dreams (modified) Near the new year, the first snow fell. I was surprised to read a long scroll in the morning, the white one is snow, and the gray one is tree… Self The fashion is transient, and the style is permanent. Things that can shine on others may not be put here. In…