Dead

Don’t worry a long-lost heavy rain dampened out the hot summer day. People can finally walk out of the steamer-like house to enjoy the cozy coolness and the smile on their faces, it’s just like finishing a big event in life that breaks people’s heart, but with the piety like being grateful to God. Taiyuan is the biggest city I have stayed in for 26 years. The prosperity here makes me feel inferior. That night, I walked under the magnificent Yingze Bridge alone, and the bright red in the distance even made me dizzy, I listened to the quiet flow of Fenhe River around my ears, and also listened to the sound of horns rising one after another on the bridge. I closed my eyes and imagined all this as an incomparable concert, I am absolutely a person listening with my soul, but there is no seat in the concert hall of Nunda. What I have is only a narrow corner, more importantly, it seems that all I can hear is whether I am not satisfied with my life. I haven’t laughed for a long time and don’t know why. Since I am unhappy and don’t like this place, why don’t you go west to Dali? I often walk alone on the streets of Taiyuan listening to this song. When I’m tired of walking, I just sit on the road for a while. I don’t know how to walk, he took off the earphones and asked passers-by who were in a hurry by the roadside. It seemed that he had gone to Dali alone and walked aimlessly everyday. Maybe one day he felt really tired, he would take off the earphones, turn back, and then go back on a road that I don’t know if it is the original road. I said to myself, how far you go is not afraid, as long as you don’t forget the direction of your home. Besides, you are not going far now, even just standing still, or even, it is better not to leave. There is a place called Shangri-La in Yunnan, where beauty is fascinating. I think if I go there, I will forget how to go home. Shangri-La means happiness in Tibetan language. A few years ago, when I contributed to “Bud”, I wrote an article named “looking for Shangri-La in dreams”, and finally the editor-in-chief left me a message, he only said one word, you ‘d better go to Shangri-La by yourself. I have always remembered this sentence for so many years, and I have been looking for opportunities to go to Yunnan, but after so many years, I always mess up my own affairs, and then there will be a person called a noble person in the divination to wipe my ass. At those times, I was really proud and proud, if I caught a friend, I would say something like I am a lucky general, because at that time, no matter what I did, at least I had a bright future which was envious, jealous and hateful among my peers. Then, I experienced a dreamlike change in this frivolous and impetuous age. If Su Wukong lived in the contemporary era, when he was in the stone, he would be crushed by all kinds of detonators and explosives and all kinds of mechanical equipment, because in this society, even if it was just a dream of making Havoc in Heaven, he would never let it happen, what’s more, you are not a monkey, what’s more, you don’t have the fate of a monkey, what’s more, you don’t have the ability of a monkey, what’s more, what’s more, you are just a monkey for you, just a thought of you. I often laugh at myself when reading books. You can’t even be a loser. You can’t even be a beast. Every time I read an article or a book, I would close my eyes in the middle of the night and recall every character and every thing in the chapter. This is my freak, no matter reading or watching movies, I never care about the fate trend of the protagonist, because the fate trend of the protagonist in current movies and even books makes people think of the ending at the beginning, only the vagaries of the hero’s various of encounter, those to experience a, yi wan help cut yi wan a version, we observe is this 6 billions or 7 billions people inside someone’s mental position, I never envy, never envy. What I like to speculate is the fate of passer-by, whose father and whose child he is, What did he do before and what would happen afterwards? This blind speculation made me even think about tracking someone in real life. I told a friend who was engaged in psychology about my status, and she told me: even if you know everyone’s stories, you may not know everyone’s perception, when tomorrow’s sunshine shines down, we will direct different stories in each other’s life. She told me that I shouldn’t transfer this kind of blindness to others. She said that the reason why I did this was that I lost the direction of life and lost the confidence of life. After hearing this, I strongly opposed it. I said that there was a direction in my life! Don’t let those who love me down any more! I said I also have confidence in life! Step by step, let all the people I love live a good life! What she said later made me speechless. She only said eight words: Cherish the present and live in the present for a long time. I have been trying to figure out the meaning of these eight words, in fact, what really inspired me was that my heart kept asking myself: why was I speechless when she said these eight words? Don’t I really cherish it? Or am I always living in the past or the future? This confusion has been bothering me until now. Sometimes I feel that I have figured it out, and sometimes I feel that I am still walking in a mist, it was not until recently that I rented a small house of less than 20 square meters that I realized that for such a long time, I had been too dependent on some kind of external power, I always thought that I could do what I could do with this power, and I always looked forward to my beautiful future too much. I forgot what a person’s future was and what a person’s past was, it has been a string of beautiful bubbles, and I also forgot that one’s future depends on one’s efforts, persistence and strength, it depends on one’s tolerance and unyielding! However, only when facing the reality and living in the present can we shoulder these responsibilities. It is not surprising to live in the bubbles of the past and the future forever. The most important thing is that those bubbles will break sooner or later. I don’t know if I have finished writing here. I always feel that there are still a lot of words in my heart that haven’t been written. But when I light this cigarette, I rub it on the keyboard and don’t know what to write, those ages of literary thoughts have passed. Now I can only find the basis of my existence in the vast sea of books and people. Many of my articles will read different articles every day, when I met different people, I wrote them all lightly into my diary. Maybe someday in the future, I could take them out and then look at the sloppy diaries, lighting a light cigarette, sitting in the pleasant afternoon sunshine like the last bus, he said to his shadow: Hehe, you don’t worry about your life, hehe, in the end, end with the lyrics of a song from Yu Quan what power makes us strong What is leaving let us sad what is giving let us be magnanimous what is ending let us grow what desire makes us crazy what is distance makes us watch what oath makes us imagine what wind and rain makes us wander like (prose editor: drops of ink hurt) snow in spring

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