Politeness

During the summer vacation when my son was seven years old, I took him to other places to participate in the Piano Competition. There was an expert comment, and the expert who commented was Professor Cai who was famous in the Academy of Arts, what he said made it worthwhile for us to take part in the competition this long journey. Professor Cai said: piano skills can be taught and learned, while musicality cannot be taught or learned. However, if a piece of music has no musicality, it means no soul. The skill of playing piano is external, while musicality is internal. The skill of many piano masters in the world may not reach the peak, but the musicality they show when they play, but it deeply touched everyone. Mr. Neil, the first principal of Xia Shan School, a century-old famous School, said: politeness cannot be learned, but etiquette can be learned. However, politeness is internal, while etiquette is external superficial form, which is perceptible, superficial and meaningless behavior (Xia Shan School, p. 152). I don’t know when my son started to call me my father’s name directly. For all my classmates and colleagues of the same age, he called me by his name directly. Fortunately, for my teacher, he called a teacher, but he would never call him aunt, uncle, uncle and Mumm. I told his father several times that he should not call adults by their names, but he still did his own thing. Because his father and I followed the principle that we could do things as long as we didn’t hurt ourselves, others or the environment, we also had patience and believed that he would understand when he was older. However, when others saw my son calling his name so directly, there was no appellation, and few people were shocked, especially those elders, all said to me with dignified expressions and earnest words: to discipline discipline your son, how can so person-to-person, so rude! Until one time, my son’s classmate Tong came to our house to play. Tong’s father was a math teacher in a primary school. He heard my son calling the adult’s name directly and said to me: in fact, he wants to be the same as you. He needs to be equal to you psychologically. I almost held Tong’s dad’s hand and felt grateful to understand long live. It is no wonder that our country has always had the old saying that we should be called honorable and not be called Famous. The fault of not calling elders may soon catch up with the sin we committed. When my son went to school and met the teacher he knew, he would take the initiative to say: Good morning, teacher. But for those teachers he didn’t know, he never said hello or not. Once on the way back to the class after finishing morning exercises, the vice principal passed through the team of their class, and his son’s sense of justice broke out again. He pushed the vice principal away angrily and shouted loudly: Don’t jump the queue! As a result, everyone looked sideways: how can this child be like this, to the vice principal! Too, no, gift, appearance, too!!! Although his son apologized to the headmaster later, he still didn’t understand where he was wrong. I asked him: Why did you push her? He said confidently: The teacher said that he would queue up in order, and no one could jump in the queue! I had to say to him: You think it is the vice principal who is wrong, but you should also think of others. Maybe she had something urgent at that time, so she had to pass through your team. Besides, you can’t push her, even yell at her, can’t you talk well? Sometimes I think, is it just because our dignity is challenged that we want our children to be polite to us? Mr. Neil said: politeness is the view of adults. Adults think that children are impolite. Actually, it is not that children are impolite, but that you feel insulted and your dignity is hurt. You just want children to bend their knees humbly, not to make them polite. Mr. Neil counterchecked those hypocritical etiquette that only children should obey: What’s the difference between treating children like this and treating servants under the feudal system? (Xia Shan School, page 153) Therefore, in his Xia Shan school, we do not require children to be polite at all. I don’t even want a thank you or a request. But the guests said again and again: the students’ behaviors are really pleasing! (Xia Shan School, page 155) this is because in their school, both teachers and students obey the common etiquette and rules, and when students see teachers doing the same, their politeness —– true politeness —- naturally formed. Mr. Neil believes that politeness does not need to be taught, because politeness is different from superficial etiquette. Politeness is spontaneous, and politeness means that we can put ourselves in others’ shoes. If we truly respect a person, it is often displayed involuntarily (Xia Shan School, page 154). Once before my son’s class started, I accidentally said a word: your teacher still needs to prepare materials for the class meeting. Maybe he hasn’t eaten yet. My son immediately called his teacher and asked: teacher, have you eaten? Do you want me to send you food? My son is rarely like other children, seeing aunt and uncle, he will call aunt and uncle sweet, but if an old man or an aunt holding a child comes on the bus, his son must stand up and give up his seat. Once we sat in the back seat of the bus. There were many passengers. An old man came up at one stop, but no one offered him a seat. The son stood up immediately and said loudly: Grandpa, come here to sit! Seeing so many people couldn’t walk, the old man shook his head and said thank you, finally, a young man standing beside the old man stood up and made a seat for the old man (there is an article saying that you can’t wake up a person pretending to sleep, wrong, children’s voice can wake up a person pretending to sleep!). In the concert, my son will never speak loudly and eat; After the performance, no matter whether the performance is wonderful or not, my son will certainly give the warmest applause; seeing the work-study college student pulling a garbage truck full of garbage after cleaning, he would give a push before the meeting; He would not laugh at a ragged person, he wouldn’t learn a lame man to walk; He would never be like some people. Although he was always polite with a mouthful of invitation, Thanks and sorry, he yelled at the garbage woman when he saw the sanitation worker sweeping the floor on the road! Many children who seem impolite actually don’t understand etiquette and hide the seeds of kindness in their free hearts. This seed of kindness needs the keen eyes of adults to care and cherish. 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