Find self

Chatting with friends, I asked: What do you usually do when you meet people you don’t like? Several girls said neatly: how to do it? Go away! Ignore, automatically block, ignore! The reactions of other girls are different, but they are also quite consistent: I usually look for reasons from myself, and think that I don’t like them because I don’t have enough self-cultivation and can’t understand them. I seemed to see the comments of the first few girls who sniffed at them: no strength, why bother yourself? You think you are God! Later, I left this question to many people one after another. Most of the replies I received would choose to find the reason from myself, and I felt that the effect was good. The explanations given were: I think the reason why you dislike it is that you have not experienced enough. When you have met enough people and things, there is nothing to dislike. If you think that not everyone is well educated like you, it is normal for them to perform like that. After hearing so many self-analysis answers, I really want to ask them: Did you grow up with chicken soup? Since when do we refuse to dislike others? It is normal that people like things and appreciate and dislike people accordingly. On the contrary, everyone is kind-hearted, nodding and smiling to others, which makes people feel horrible. Countless Chicken Soup for the soul are telling us: human beings are omnipotent, and you can’t do it just because you don’t want to do it. But the reality is that there are very few things you can do. People are limited. Only living in a region can be comfortable. Crossing the border, one must bear more. A boy wrote to me to tell me his distress, which was summarized as one sentence: I always felt that I had many mistakes before, but as a result, I felt very self-abased, and everyone did not respect him, therefore, he felt that he had no sense of existence. I asked him why he thought it must be his fault? He answered naturally: isn’t the rule of adult world that everything can find reasons from oneself? If you don’t do well enough, you don’t work hard enough; If you don’t like it, it is because you treat others badly; If you can’t adapt to the society, it is because your personality is not smooth enough. How terrible this explanation is. If it continues like this, he is likely to attribute all the imperfections of this society to himself. It seemed that he was self-abased, but deep in his heart he felt that he was full of strength, so he wanted to undertake and bear. My advice to him is: you can try to offend someone, and you will find that the result is not that bad, and you can bear it, so that you will be yourself slowly and comfortably in the future. He exclaimed: really? Offending people, shouldn’t it be done by bad people? Offending people is not killing people and setting fire, but a behavior that normal people will do. For example, if someone arranges you to do something you don’t like, then you can directly refuse it and see which direction the matter will develop. He thought I threw a bomb into his heart, but in fact, as long as a person lives, how can he not be hated, offended or disliked? Some chicken soup for the soul and the education we have received since childhood are the places where people are harmed. We try to guide everyone to become a perfect person, even if they walk well on the road and are hit by others, parents will also kindly remind their children: why don’t you pay attention to it? Why does he hit you instead of hitting others? This kind of questioning, which could be called a great God, made people speechless, but there was no logic at all. If you really follow this idea, you can finally attribute the problem to yourself. Only when you clearly realize that this premise itself is wrong and it is a strange circle can you not mistake it for granted. Not long ago, a college student fell from a building in the city where I lived, which caused an uproar: The boy’s confession was rejected, and he jumped directly from the third floor and broke into a crushing fracture. Everyone doesn’t understand why the rejection of confession requires suicide. At the same time, some people think from the perspective of girls: The girl who has been confessed may feel sorry for her whole life. Some experts said that the girl should receive some psychological counseling, otherwise, as a subconscious mind, she might often interfere with her. A very important point of psychological counseling is not to blame yourself. You just need to do the part you need to be responsible for. Don’t pay attention to the result and let her understand that this matter has nothing to do with her, don’t listen to people around you. If she agrees, boys won’t jump off buildings and so on. If people have to be related to one thing, they can definitely find the connection point, because people themselves are social, but as a normal person, a person who respects himself, you shouldn’t force yourself to pull this relationship. It is normal to allow yourself to have flaws, to be unable to understand others, and even to be selfish, which is not strange at all. The cruelty of the current society is to regard all the normal as abnormal and the abnormal as the mainstream. My good friend’s younger sister Xiaoqing and a girl named Xiaozhuang are graduate roommates. Because there are only two people in the dormitory, the relationship is particularly good. But gradually, Xiao Qing found that everything was different. Every night, she can receive a text message from Xiaozhuang, such as I want to be with you, I like you, I love you. After several times, Xiaoqing couldn’t stand it any more and asked her: what do you mean by sending text messages? If you are Les, go after other girls. I don’t accept homosexuality. Don’t bother me any more. Xiao Zhuang was sensitive by nature. He cried for a long time after hearing this, and sent a message to Xiao Qing after turning off the lights at night: If you leave me, I will die. Only then did Xiao Qing realize the seriousness of the problem, but she felt more unbearable because of being threatened. After thinking about it over and over again, there was no other trusted person to pour out, so she finally chose to seek help from her sister. Xiaoqing’s elder sister was my good friend. It had been a long time since she told me about it. At that time, Xiaoqing had moved out of the dormitory and Xiaozhuang didn’t die either, alive and well. I asked: How did you convince your sister that Xiaozhuang would not die? She said with some fear: Actually, I was also very afraid that this girl would commit suicide at that time, but I also knew that this matter had nothing to do with my sister. If I let her adapt to her, that God forbid. I had to tell my sister the worst result: even if she committed suicide, it was not forced by US. If you felt that one could not bear it, you would put all the blame on me. She said that this was not the most difficult thing. The most difficult thing was that my younger sister always had a soft heart. She thought it was too cruel to treat Xiaozhuang like this. She could only tell her sister: If you continue to think like this and then do like this, then one day she really committed suicide and you will be the murderer. It is very important to draw a clear line with people and know which responsibilities are your own and which things have nothing to do with yourself. A person without a sense of boundaries, even with kindness, is likely to make a big mistake in the end. It is good to save myself three times a day, but this saving should also include checking whether I have taken too much responsibility. 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