Chaos

I couldn’t help shivering when the cool breeze blew. In fact, there is bright and hot sunshine, but for a person whose heart is already cold, even if the whole person is thrown into the vast sea of fire, he will not feel any warmth. I was like walking into the polar region. There was no difference between east, west, north and south. I stood there and looked around. The white world was full of cold air deep in my heart. The high ice edge was swaying in the water, but I was swaying in the snow. I tried my best to find the direction I wanted to go. I tried many times, but I found that it was in vain. I knew that I would be trapped here and never walk out. I shouted and struggled. I didn’t want to die miserably in this extremely evil world. No one can save me, nor can I save myself. Countless promises are like what others say that have nothing to do with me, and all the good things have become memories of the past. The endless longing was like a mirage after the rain. After the sunshine broke through the clouds, everything disappeared. I began to feel confused, at a loss, and didn’t have the courage to continue panting. It was like a bottomless hole falling down. My body was suspended and falling down all the time. Every second, my nerves were tense. Every second, I didn’t know what would happen next second. Fear, fear of danger, no hope. This is a kind of torture, which is even more pleasant than a broken head. I still remember that I was in my 20th youth, but in my life, I could not see a little youth. The tragedy that I created for myself, I bet with fate, and I bet all my life’s hopes. Nowadays, no one can blame for the hysterical pain. They are all asking for it on their own. The only blame is that they are not smart enough. They lose to being serious, and lose to their own practice and corruption. I am not qualified to say how unfortunate I am, let alone my miserable face. Don’t want to see dazzling light, dare not look at me in the plane mirror, embarrassed appearance, no bloody face, scattered fluffy long hair, ragged clothes, dead fish-like eyes shot everywhere. I don’t know whether I am admire others’ happiness or beg others’ sympathy and pity for me. I have never counted how many holes there are in my heart. I hope that after leaving me, I just want to be free. Yes, I have given what I can give to the so-called hope. If it leaves, can I be free… tired, too tired to shout tired, tired, too tired to say anything, it doesn’t matter. Close your eyes habitually, but don’t want to open them habitually any more. I was afraid to see the reality that hurt me all over. I was afraid that the light which was so strong that there was nothing to stop could blind my only healthy and visible eyes. After what happened, I was deaf and couldn’t hear anything. I was lame and couldn’t walk any way. I only had those eyes that could be seen in the past, but I closed it and didn’t want to open it any more. I am a sinner, I am guilty. I lost nothing but nothing. What a big sin it was. I want to say sorry to myself, girl, you are wronged. Stunned, stunned, out of my mind. Two decades of life, two decades of life trajectory. In the second decade, it is still far from the end. I must forget all the past and continue to go on. Girl, no matter how painful, hurt or prickly it is, let it be the past and the past. The road is still long, the dream is still far away, and you can cherish it. Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the snow in spring

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