Gently

Today is the last day of 2012. It is windy and sunny. Sitting in the warm Hall, I took a look at my mood. I felt both slight loss and deep warmth in my heart. The cycle of four seasons, spring, summer, autumn harvest, winter collection. Isn’t life like this? At this age, we have gone through the season of blooming spring flowers and the summer of vigorous growth. Although we haven’t reached the late autumn when the fruit is full of branches, after all, we have seen falling leaves in our eyes. Looking back, there are warmth, joy, scars and pains. Many years ago, that quiet woman stepped on the dew and the fragrance of the field. She was plain and prosperous, so she went to today. I know how tired I am. Behind me, my youth has passed away and the years have withered. Many memories once came across me, but I lost the past. Once, I wrote verses under the moonlight, letting the cold night like water read; Once, I wrote verses on the leaves, letting the gentle spring breeze read; Once, I wrote verses in your eyes, let the love from the bottom of my heart read that time flies and grows every year, which makes my heart grow up unwillingly. I don’t want to grow up, I want to stay forever. I want to integrate into this era, but I don’t know the rules; I want to be an adult, with a heart full of city and wisdom, but a poor and white heart, walking further and further with the noisy people. I knew I lost my way. I wanted to go back to Tang Dynasty or Song Dynasty. Let me sit alone in the west of the small window, with a light curtain, a peach blossom red outside the window, and singing people in the water. It’s so good for me to stitch, write, stare or blow. I can’t pass through, what grazes is just a indifferent heart. I remember that when I got married, brother Beiming sent me a wall calendar, on which two lines of calligraphy were written on the white paper on the back: cultivate the heart and cultivate the nature of heaven. I like it very much, and I also use these two sentences in the two words: in the heart, the nature is in the sky, and the clouds in the dusk rain into the poem. Who can reward the cultivated heart? Cut the lines of poetry can be edited. I hung up that calendar in reverse for several years, and finally lost it after several moves. Yesterday, I went to see his blog and saw a group of old works written by him: Stepping out of the frontier of poetry. It suddenly occurred to me that it was the name of a book, which meant that the word was the end of the poem and was separated from the vast region of the poem. It was sent to me by my cousin more than 20 years ago. At that time, I still couldn’t understand it, so I gave it to him. The days at that time were so beautiful. There was a grass behind my house and several towering trees. I often sat in the grass in a daze and looked at the sky. When I was teaching, there was a rice field at the school gate. After lunch, I often sat alone on the ridge for a long time, watching the green cattail, The Quiet Pond and the rice field like a green blanket, free little frog at that time, I was used to going alone and always liked those things that were useless in others’ eyes. For example, sunshine, breeze, drizzle, Moonlight, meditation or quietness. In 2012, Xiaoxiao finally moved to a new home. By this day, I was 41 years old. This year, there were many setbacks and helplessness. Fortunately, I could laugh it off. If there is no money, there will be no happiness. I am greedy for your embrace, which is the most practical place for me. I am emotional person who cares about many spiritual things. I look at many things from an idealistic perspective, such as love and dreams. I don’t love gold or fur. My ideal life is to be able to enjoy the mountains and waters with the people I love. Life is a journey, and I am willing to be on the road all the time. Even if one day I can’t walk, I believe my heart will always fly in the spiritual world. A few days ago, when we got together with poetry friends, brother Xinghua suggested to drink the flower carving, so we took a taxi to the supermarket to buy two barrels of 12 Jin flower carving. As a result, 10 of us drank a drop without any left. Originally, I am hadn’t even drunk beer. After experiencing again and again, now I won’t shake after drinking a glass of beer, but only after drinking two cups. I had never drunk white wine, but it was said that huadiao was rice wine with low degree, so I was ordered to drink three cups. The wine is served with ginger slices, medlar and rock sugar, which is warm and soft, and feels warm and comfortable. However, sister Xiaoxi said, “This wine is full of needles, and the stamina is really not small. I was scared as soon as I heard it, because I had never been drunk. I felt drunk was horrible and I was afraid of making a fool of myself. I feel dizzy as soon as I feel nervous. For the last Cup, brother Beiming drank half for me. Thank you very much. When I got home, I waited for the onset of drinking power like waiting for the end of the world, but nothing happened but I was particularly sober. I couldn’t sleep after drinking all night, especially this time. I remembered that at the wine table, brother Beiming mentioned the article [Northern February] that I wrote when I was a student. Unexpectedly, he still remembered that article. I said that it was published on [middle school student Expo]. When I got home, I remembered that it was posted on [Chinese newspaper]. Many trivial things are buried by the years of smoke and dust. You need to try to remember them so that you won’t forget them. Then I thought of Bai Xianyong’s [dream of traveling in the garden], and Mrs. Qian, the widow of the absent-minded senior general of Kuomintang, saw her flower-like years in a few cups of flower carvings in a hurry, and saw the love of the old general, I saw the betrayed lover, every day when I was addicted to paper, and in the three cups of flower carvings I drank slowly, I saw my painful past and sad years, why do my eyes always contain tears when I am old? Just because I have learned to cherish. How short life is, it is just the only time for flowers to bloom. I am not afraid of getting old, I am just afraid that I can no longer experience it beautifully. Today is the last day of 2012. I want to thank my relatives and friends for accompanying me all the way. I am not an angel and never smile forever. Please forgive me for my willfulness, stubbornness and neglect. My world is wonderful because of you, and I also hope that I will not bring you haze. Tomorrow is a New Year. Let me give you my best wishes. Everyone passing by, even if just passing by, please take away my heavy wishes! Gently wave your hands, say goodbye to 2012, love you, and have every deep feeling in your life. Spring elimination snow

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